Preparing for Sex: What to Expect
First and Foremost: Know Your Worth
We all need to respect other people and their rights as human beings. Period.
Sex is a beautiful and extremely enjoyable thing that is a crucial part of the human experience. However, it shouldn’t be taken too lightly. It’s normal to feel a little nervous when having sex, especially for the first time, but it should NEVER happen unless everyone involved is consenting and safe.
Summed up, consent simply means permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. If you consent to sex, you are, so to speak, allowing them to engage in foreplay and sexual intercourse with you.
Any type of sexual activity without consent is considered sexual assault or rape. Victims of this type of violence can suffer a number of immediate and long-term consequences.
Passions can be flaring in the heat of the moment, making it difficult to think straight. Some people have a hard time understanding certain things about consent such as knowing whether or not it has truly been given. If you are not sure, consider the mnemonic “FRIES” (courtesy of Planned Parenthood).
Consent is only valid if freely given. This means that nobody was pressured, threatened or intimidated in any way to give consent. Also, someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol is NOT capable of granting consent.
A person that consents to something can change their mind at any time. It doesn’t matter if someone agreed to sex earlier. It doesn’t matter if the clothes are already off or if you’ve already begun to have sex.
You should feel free to tell your partner you no longer want to continue whenever you want.
Sex should only occur between people who are on the same page. For example, a person may agree to vaginal intercourse under the condition their partner use a condom. If their partner, for any reason, tries to have unprotected sex without the first person realizing (this could really happen, believe or not!), consent is not completely given.
Sex is awesome. It should be and feel awesome for all parties every step of the way. No one should ever do something they don’t enjoy just because they feel like they have to.
As mentioned before, consent is reversible. Remember that if you or any partner seem like they’re losing their enthusiasm.
Consent is not an all-encompassing permission slip that can be redeemed at any time for any sexual act that comes to mind.
In other words, if a person consents to kiss with their partner on a Tuesday, it doesn’t mean they consent to sex afterward.
Consent should be obtained every time a ‘hookup’ goes to the next level.
First-Time Sex Tips For Safety
In an ideal world, everyone would be able to have to sex without ever having negative consequences. Unfortunately, this is very far from the case.
Sex can lead to injury, emotional trauma, sexually transmitted infections (STI), and pregnancy. Of course, some people have sex intending to get pregnant, but it is not without risk.
Let’s look at these in a little more detail.
Anytime you have people going at it there is a chance someone could suffer a physical injury, such as a fall, bruising, or even a penile fracture (ouch). Make sure you don’t attempt anything dangerous or that exceeds your physical capabilities.
Just because you saw it in a movie doesn’t mean you should try it, especially on your first time.
Also, on your first time, there may or not be blood. The hymen tends to get stretched considerably and many people bleed but this is NOT always the case.
As you may know, there are a lot of infections out there that can be acquired through sexual contact. These are caused by tiny microorganisms invisible to the naked eye. The only way to completely eliminate the risk is practice abstinence but otherwise getting tested and using condoms correctly is a good way to lower your risk.
Some, such as herpes and gonorrhea, cause mostly localized symptoms, such as pain, discomfort, skin lesions of the genitals, and abnormal secretions. Other pathogens, such as HIV and HPV, cause persistent diseases that are very hard to treat.
HIV can lead to AIDS, a condition in which the immune system is weakened to the point where it can’t fight infection. HPV can lead to warts and possibly fatal cervical cancer. Ideally, you and your partners should get tested before having sex and periodically if you continue to be sexually active.
Now to the Good Stuff
Now you and your partners are consenting to have safe sex. Good for you! Now, comes the fun part.
Anytime you get people naked and rubbing against each other there is bound to be some awkwardness, some silliness, and, hopefully, a whole lot of pleasure. Communicate with your partners about what feels good and what doesn’t. Encourage them to do the same.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Good sex is one of the most amazing things a person can experience. Don’t be discouraged if the first time wasn’t like erotica literature you’ve been secretly reading. Sometimes, the chemistry isn’t right or maybe you or your partner was nervous given it was the first time.
Be Safe, Respect Your Partners, and Have Fun
Hopefully, you’ve learned a little bit about consent and safe sex. Sorry if you were expecting more tips about how to last for hours and impress your partner with wild standing positions. But honestly, none of that is necessary to have a good time.